Live Life With No Regrets!

The basic problem in human relationship is that of freedom. We call people bad because they do not do what we want them to do. We judge them for being themselves, for fulfilling their wishes. We withdraw love from them when they do what they feel is best for them, but it is not what we want them to do.

..., we have all but said that life without boundaries is no life at all. But establishing and maintaining boundaries takes a lot of work, discipline, and most of all, desire.

The driving force behind boundaries has to be desire. We usually know what is the right thing to do in life, but we are rarely motivated to do it unless there's a good reason.

Even with the desire for a better life, we can be reluctant to do the work of boundaries for another reason: it will be a war. There will be skirmishes and battles. There will be disputes. There will be losses.

The most common resistance one gets from the outside is anger. People who get angry at others for setting boundaries have a character problem. Self-centered they think the world exists for them and their comfort. They see others as extensions of themselves.

It is not the situation that's making the person angry, but the feeling that they are entitled to things from others. They want to control others and, as a result, they have no control over themselves.

When a person becomes angry that you set boundaries:

1. It's his problem. The person angry at you for setting boundaries is the one with the problem.
2. View anger realistically. Anger is only a feeling inside the other person. It cannot jump across the room and hurt you.
3. Do not let anger be a cue for you to do something. Rescuing, pacifying, reacting in anger should not be the automatic response. Allow him to be angry and decide for yourself what to do.
4. Make sure you have a support system. Talk to people in your group and make a plan. Anticipate and plan response. Role-play or get them to come with you.
5. Don't let yourself become angry. Don't get caught in the tit-for-tat pattern of the world.
6. Be prepared to use physical distance and other limits.